Happy Endometriosis Awareness Month

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At the beginning of the year, I was officially diagnosed with endometriosis, something I have suspected I had but never fought for a diagnosis. Any doctor I would mention it to would say, let's wait to verify, we don't want to cut you open to find nothing in there. Why suffer the recovery to not find anything? You probably just need to drink more water (which is TOTALLY true as well). Unfortunately, the only way as of now to diagnose a woman with endometriosis is to undergo surgery, and for cases like mine it involves a second surgery or God forbid a third.

For those who are not familiar with endometriosis, it is when tissue forms on the outside of the uterus instead of the inside where it belongs, causing scarring outside of the reproductive and surrounding organs and results in painful cycles and infertility. The crazy thing, is more common than people realize! I began to assume I was just experiencing what every woman experiences, and that I should stop complaining about the pain. It was my cross to bear, and once I started having kids the pain would just go away. But I couldn't have kids and the pain was still constantly there, some months worse than others.

And so I lived with my cross for nearly 20 years. Month after month, I prayed I would make it to the medicine cabinet before the pain set in again. All of my sick time went to remaining in the fetal position for hours on end, "riding it out". For a year or two I began seeking answers on what was going on. After each dead end and countless invasive tests, I got more discouraged about finding my answers. Maybe it just wasn't in God's plan for me to ever bear children, a deep desire in my heart. It was a fear I remember expressing to my husband when we were dating, that I was afraid my family's medical history wouldn't allow our family to grow and multiply. Maybe I was just going to have to toughen it out for another 20 years until menopause. My body was simply broken. And for a long time my spirit was also broken.

That's when I found a doctor who was ready to help. I was afraid to mention what I had found online about endometriosis, after all I was probably just over exaggerating the pain I felt. After describing to him the pain I experienced on a regular, and how my husband and I have struggled to conceive for the past 6 years he was quick to say, yes, we're definitely going to find some in there. And for the first time, I felt heard. I wasn't just seen for my pain and comforted until it passed—which was still incredibly helpful—I was at last heard and taken seriously. Healing was finally possible.

In the months leading up to my first surgery, I began to doubt again. Maybe I really didn't have anything wrong with me like others thought before, and I was putting the cart before the horse. I must have a low pain tolerance and just can't handle the discomfort. Now looking back I know that those thoughts were not God's thoughts, I did end up having a lot of scarring that needed to be surgically removed. But I finally had my answers. I was not weak, and God is carrying me through this season of my life.

"He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.'" – Mark 5:34

At the time of me writing this blog, I have a surgery scheduled to remove the endometriosis in July, which seems so far away, but honestly it's never been closer! This means I'm not fully healed, but the freedom is close at hand. While my life doesn't look like I thought it would by my 30's, it has still been such a beautiful journey of healing and acceptance, discovering who I am as a daughter of God and a loving wife beyond my inability to bear children. I have met so many wonderful people, invited them into my home and life, and shared the love of the Father with them.

At the heart of any struggle is the desire to be truly seen, known, and loved. And it's up to us, the Church, to affirm this desire in everyone we encounter. Bringing comfort the sick and infirm. Walking with those living in the darkest places of suffering. We are all called to loving unconditionally and praying without ceasing.

Happy endometriosis awareness month!

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