The Beauty of Marriage
- Sophia Bauer
- Jun 14, 2024
- 4 min read
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On June 16, 2018 Joseph and I vowed to love and care for each other until death do us part. We met in college at our Newman Center, and got married in the church where we were heavily involved during our undergrad years. This Sunday marks our sixth year of marriage and I want to take this moment to reflect on what I've learned living out our vocation. We haven't mastered the art of a "perfect marriage", but we know that beyond a doubt—despite our own struggles and imperfections—we are exactly where God is calling us to be.
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1. I’m still learning about my spouse.
I had a dear priest friend of mine ask me if I knew all about my spouse. I answered with confidence that I felt I knew pretty much everything about Joseph, and boy howdy did I quickly find out that my answer was incorrect. He said I should NEVER feel as if I have discovered everything there is to know about him, that when I stop learning about who he is as an individual I stop caring to love him. I stop pursuing him.
The same can be said about discovering our Heavenly Father. The more we learn about Him the more we realize we have so much more to learn, and that is a good thing. In that discovery blossoms the relationship that fans the flame and keeps my heart burning, a flame that is also mirrored through my relationship with my husband.
2. Sacrifices should never go unnoticed.
There are things that I sacrifice for the joy of my marriage, and I would never change it if given the option. My husband also sacrifices a lot for our family, and for the longest of time I took him for granted without meaning to. What we sacrificed was just what we did to keep the house running, and neither of us thought twice. But then I realized how much affirmation speaks to the heart, and that words—or even little actions—can touch the heart. Being grateful for him working to provide for our family deserves a simple thank you or hug every once in a while, just as much as me folding another load of laundry or running an errand. Sacrifice should never expect anything in return, and should certainly not be a way of counting the costs, but it sure stirs the heart when we're recognized for the small acts of love we do for the other.
3. Dishes will never end.
No matter what we're doing throughout the day, we need to eat. Because of that, the dishes will always appear in the sink, ready for a good bit of scrubbing and soaking. For me, cleaning the dishes is a great time to pray my daily rosary and decompress from a long day and in a way I "scrub my soul". As long as we don't let the dishes pile up for more than a day or two, they're manageable to tackle. On some days we joke about using throwaway plates more often, as we set the dinner plates on the counter to be cleaned later. But having dishes to clean is ok. Routine and discipline in the little things are good for the soul, especially when you stick with it on the harder days. Reward comes from putting the effort into anything, especially something that never ends like dishes or (thankfully) our marriage!
4. Listen to your vocation.
I have a family friend who is getting ready to enter seminary, and all of his life he was told he should desire a family of his own. Yes, he could've found happiness with a wife as they raise their children God willing, but never has he found more peace than on the day he accepted that on his heart was placed the call to the priesthood. Once he stepped back from what he thought he wanted and listened to what God wanted he has never felt more joy.
The same could be said for me all those years ago now, I thought for a time that maybe God was calling me to live in a religious order. An entire lifetime filled with nothing but prayer, routine, and service with fellow sisters sounded appealing to me, but it was only something I thought I should be desiring. I could've made it work in my heart, but on the day that I met Joseph I knew I was being called to marriage with him. And I have never felt more joy!
5. Enjoy the little moments.
There's a science that the older you get the quicker time seems to fly. If you're too focused on where you'll be in 10 years then you'll miss all of the little moments. We've danced to no music in the kitchen. We've gone on a walk to get out of the house. We've sat on the floor to play a game. He surprised me with flowers he bought while we were both in the store together. We've held hands throughout Mass simply to know the other was there. It's important to look at the big picture, but it's even more important to remember the little moments that make up the cherished memories and the building blocks of our relationship.
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Four years as friends and six years as husband and wife are years I am forever grateful for, and can no longer take for granted. God willing I have many more years to get to meet the man I chose to love for the rest of my life. Whether you're married, single, or in a religious community, I believe you can always discover something new about your own vocation. All you have to do is reflect on the journey and see where God is calling you to experience goodness, truth, and beauty. The rest will be revealed through His beautiful story.
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