Mother's Day Gets All the Feels
- Sophia Bauer
- May 10, 2024
- 3 min read
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I recently started diving into the world of infant photography. It's been so much fun, but I definitely have a long way to go before I can call myself a pro with those little blessings. I love seeing their small hands, reaching out to be comforted. Their tiny feet are flailing about as we try to keep them still for those "little piggy" closeups. Their giggly smiles that long for a calming response, while trying to figure who in the world is taking their pictures when all they want to do is sleep.
While this is all makes for a lovely and joy-filled afternoon, the family leaves after our time is up or I head out with my camera bag and get to work on editing tons of new images. It's about this time of year when I'm reminded this is not a gift I have been blessed with yet; children of my own.
Yes, my husband and I have strongly desired children of our own over the past 5 years, and yes each time another month comes and goes it's disappointing. Amidst all of the heartache and suffering, I have come to recognize—not overnight but over many long years—the blessings in our lives where we are right now. We have a joyful marriage and we're active in our faith. We are blessed to welcome so many people into our home and can be the ones to call for a last-minute favor. We have INCREDIBLY supportive family and friends who are also more than happy to give me "Auntie Sophie" time with their little ones. And at the end of the day when I'm exhausted from playing with the kids, I can have my recovery time guilt-free.
I've also been blessed over the past few years to be honored with godchildren. Although I may not get to see them every day and watch them experience the world moment by moment, I have the honor of praying for them and doing my part to be a witness of authentic joy in their lives. I recognize that I get do a lot of things their parents have to sacrifice at any moment, I'm by no means down-playing their role in raising the gifts they have. Parenting is hard, and anyone who thinks they have it figured out is far from it! But what I have come to realize is that I AM a mother, even if it isn't at all how I thought it would look like by this point in my life.
Is Mother's Day hard? Yes. But also no. I am still blessed to have my mom on this side of heaven, and can thank her for the endless years she sacrificed to raise me into the woman I am today. I am still overwhelmingly filled with joy at the announcement of a new (or veteran) expecting mother. I still make faces at the toddler in front of me at Mass or at the local ice cream shop. I LOVE watching big families roll into a restaurant—those parents deserves a medal for braving the public eye!
Infertility is a really weird cross to bear when I feel so incredibly blessed in every other aspect of my life. I don't feel like I'm suffering as much as I was in the beginning, but I don't think God desired me to stay in the darkness I surrounded myself in for so long. It's something that can't be fully explained, only experienced. And that isn't something I wish for ANYONE. I just feel called to share my story and lend support to the other longing mothers out there to say God is still working through your gift of motherhood right here and now!
I am still open to whatever God desires for me, whether it is to bear children of my own, explore adoption and foster care, or to simply be there for my fellow mothers who are 1000% on the fast track to sainthood 😇. For now I will keep doing what God desires of me: Discovering new ways to love my husband, opening our home to anyone and everyone, praying for my amazing godchildren, and sharing the beauty of His ultimate love story through my design and photography.
Happy Mother's Day to ALL mothers, and may God continue to bless the fruits of ALL forms of motherhood!
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